who am I?

It was a weird day.
A lot of singing, a lot of thinking and a lot of wine involved.
Do I have to have a reason to get drunk by noon - no. But I did have one today.
Finally - after weeks and months of utter misery I finished my MA thesis. Today was the first one after really long time when I could actually free my mind and do whatever I wanted.
I woke up, drank a cup of coffee and watched an episode of New Girl like I do every morning (I've seen each season at least three times but I still do it, cause it remindes me of LA), then I went to the store and started cooking. I opened bottle of wine - one sip to my mouth - one glass to the soup - one glass to the sauce - one sip to my mouth - ok, two sips. The music was loud. I was playing some reggae, you know - peace&love and bless you style. My memory for song lyrics is ridiculous. I consciously don't even know the song exists but once I hear it, it turns out that I know every single word of it.
So, I was there, in my kitchen, having amazing party with myself as an only guest. I had so much fun and I was truly happy. But getting sober was pretty fast and pretty painful.
At some point I started analizing my life - you know the moment after tipsy euphoria when you calm down a little and begin having all those weird thoughts.
So my refection for today is - I cannot do anything in life. After years of studying and internshiping and all this crap I feel like I can't literally do anything important and profesional and useful. I feel like I'm not smart at all, I have no talents, I'm not good at anything - I mean really good. I can do some things but I'm not good at it. And I've been thinking, what am I gonna do in life and I'm really scared. It's not like I don't have any dreams or ambition, I'm just scared I'm not good enough for even getting a chance to try. And I don't know what to do with. I'm fucking 24. I can't just start over. I should start building my future on what I have right now.

So... the perfect begining of the day ended up with me selfpitying. I shouldn't have stopped drinking.

Day 2 of freedom tomorrow. Mission: ending up my social death.